Effective mentoring is not simply about giving advice or sharing experience. Mentors also need to create space for the mentee to think, learn, make decisions, and take ownership of their development. Certain behaviours can weaken the relationship and make mentoring less effective.
1. Do Not Do All the Talking
A mentoring conversation should not become a one-way lecture. While mentors have valuable knowledge and experience, the mentee also needs opportunities to explain their situation, ask questions, and reflect.
Listen carefully and give the mentee enough space to contribute. Asking thoughtful questions can often be more useful than immediately providing an answer.
2. Do Not Force Your Own Approach
A mentor’s experience can be useful, but it does not mean that the same approach will work for everyone.
Avoid assuming that the mentee should follow the exact career path, working style, or decisions that worked for you. Share your experience as a perspective and allow the mentee to decide how it applies to their situation.
3. Do Not Make Decisions for the Mentee
The purpose of mentoring is to support development, not take responsibility for someone else’s choices.
A mentor can explain options, share relevant experience, and challenge assumptions, but the mentee should ultimately make their own decisions. This helps build independence and confidence.
4. Do Not Avoid Difficult Feedback
Being supportive does not mean avoiding uncomfortable conversations. If a mentee has a behaviour or development area that needs attention, ignoring it can limit their progress.
Feedback should be specific, respectful, and focused on behaviours or actions that can be improved. The goal is to help the mentee understand what they can do differently.
5. Do Not Criticise the Person
Feedback should address behaviour, decisions, or situations rather than attacking someone’s character.
Instead of making a personal judgement, explain what you observed, why it matters, and what could be approached differently. This makes feedback more practical and easier to act on.
6. Do Not Break Confidentiality
Mentees may share concerns, mistakes, career plans, or workplace experiences that they would not discuss openly with others.
Mentors should treat sensitive conversations appropriately and clarify any confidentiality boundaries at the beginning of the relationship. Workplace policies and situations involving safety, legal requirements, or serious misconduct may require different handling.
7. Do Not Cancel or Ignore Meetings Without Good Reason
Consistency helps build trust. Frequently cancelling meetings, arriving unprepared, or failing to follow up can make the mentee feel that their development is not a priority.
Mentors should make reasonable efforts to honour agreed commitments and communicate early when plans need to change.
8. Do Not Try to Solve Every Problem
A mentor does not need to have an answer for every situation. Trying to solve every problem can make the mentee overly dependent on the mentor.
Sometimes it is more valuable to ask questions that help the mentee identify their own options. This encourages critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Mentors can strengthen this questioning approach through structured programmes such as a Career Coaching Masterclass.
9. Do Not Compare the Mentee Unfairly With Others
Every person has different experiences, strengths, challenges, and development needs. Constantly comparing a mentee with another employee can damage confidence and distract from their individual goals.
Focus instead on the mentee’s progress and the areas they want to develop.
10. Do Not Let the Relationship Lose Its Purpose
Mentoring conversations can become too informal or unfocused if there are no clear goals. While the relationship should feel comfortable, it should still support meaningful development.
Regularly review the mentee’s goals and discuss whether the conversations are still addressing their needs. Adjust the focus when circumstances change.
What Should Mentors Do Instead?
Good mentoring requires a balance between guidance and independence. Mentors should listen, ask questions, share relevant experience, provide constructive feedback, respect boundaries, and encourage mentees to take responsibility for their own development.
The mentor’s role is not to create a perfect path for someone else. It is to provide the support and perspective that helps the mentee develop their own skills, judgment, and confidence.
When mentors avoid controlling the relationship, giving unwanted advice, breaking trust, or doing all the problem-solving themselves, mentoring becomes more collaborative and useful for both people.
Learn more about Career Coaching Masterclass here: https://www.workplaceasia.com.sg/certifications-singapore/workplace-career-coaching-certification-masterclass/